Nostalgic Affection
by rinaissance
Summary: - discontinued -
1. Default Chapter

_The plot of this fic came out of nowhere. I didn't know, I had no idea either how this fic would turn out. Ughh… But I'll try my very best to finish this second fic of mine. I'm really crappy, crappy in grammar, in vocabulary in everything. Maybe by this time, you could ask that, "If this person says so that she is crappy, then why did she ever try to make a fic?" Yeah, yeah, tell me everything, I'm open to ideas anyway. If you want to be my beta, go ahead, no problem! I'd surely appreciate it._

_Actually, I was not an avid fan of Shaman King (before) but when a friend of mine urged me to watch some VCD's, hey I admit, I managed to let out an 'awesome.' It was aired ages ago but I never had the chance to watch it. I was so focused in my studies, unlike now. Lolz! (At least I'm still surviving) And I'd dare say that Asakura Yoh is the perfect bishie material! _

**_Yoh and Anna are NOT ENGAGED on this fanfic!_**

Summary: He hated her for his sudden and strange defeat. She, then tried to fixed it with a contract she made. She stubbornly presented herself as his trainer and he in turn would be her fiancé finder. But because of hatred, she suffered. YOHxANNA. And maybe a bit of HaoxAnna

**Disclaimer: **Shaman King belongs to Hiroyuki Takei. Any similarities to others are unintentional. Remember that I have yet to watch the whole series of Shaman King. Why? Because I'm almost drown with school and school paper works.

**Nostalgic Affection  
**_chibi-asakura  
_**_A Bleeding Heart  
_**Chapter One

It was nearly evening for the sun had set and there were only small patches of orange streaks covering the deep violet sky. A scene compared to each of Da Vinci's works it was, alive and taunting, captivating your eyes. There were hardly any stars shimmering that night. The clouds cast enough shadows behind the moon, making the night awfully lonesome and somewhat dark – it's dreadful.

He isn't mad. He isn't insane. But to see Yoh Asakura stuttering queerly and lost for words isn't usual either. The brunette boy sat at the end of their wooden porch, clenching and unclenching his fists, looking miserable or by no mistake, confused. He was there for almost five hours, doing nothing except for fancying the ground, which almost cry in boredom, if ever it has life.

He crinkled his nose, as the sweet aroma of chicken soup engulfed his anxieties, returning his senses back to where he had once left them. Yoh shifted and grabbed his brunette hair, almost pulling it from its scalp. He didn't know, he didn't give a hint either on why his actions seemed to be so unusual if not, tentative. His actions were likened to how the seasons change. A moment it can be predicted, and another moment it is all too incalculable.

How lucky was he not to see Kyouyama Anna, his friend around? Well, he cannot blame her if she would dare throw him out of the house to do a 50 mile dash, when she sees him looking forlorn. It was in the contract. It was a part of his promise. Anna should make him stronger to defeat Hao, the Shaman King, and he in turn, would find her a suitable fiancé.

And that's what bothered him the most. It was four years after the Shaman Tournament ended, and here he was not doing anything to grant Anna, what she wants. Yes, Anna has done everything she can to make sure he'd be able to defeat Hao, sometime in the future. But what Kyouyama Anna wants is far beyond reality! She wants something which cannot be abruptly obtained! She wants a fiancé! A suitable fiancé at that! Then again, it was difficult to find one, after all, who would want an Ice Queen?

But why was he complaining? Shouldn't he at least be relieved? He was still one lucky _loser_ for Anna didn't fuss over Hao Asakura, his pompous Shaman King brother, as her husband. But the sudden thought angered him. He was being obliged to please her, to get her a husband. Why did he ever agree to the contract anyway? Supposed to be, Anna was the one who SHOULD please and meet all his needs, then again, he didn't know why he agreed. All along, his hatred towards the young itako was never dismissed out of his head. _Four years—four years of pretense. I'm tired. _He thought.

A voice startled him from behind, "What're you doing here Yoh?"

Yoh crooked his head upwards to find Anna giving him an inquiring brow. "None. Nothing at all." He smiled half-heartedly.

"Of all people, don't fool me Asakura Yoh for I won't buy any of those lazy smiles of yours," Anna berated, then took a sit beside him.

"Really Anna. If there's anything wrong, I would have told you," grinned Yoh, while creasing his jeans. _Only make-believe, Yoh._

"Just be sure with that," said Anna coldly.

Silence enveloped the air as the chilly wind hushed the evening sky. Both of them stood still, feeling the icy breeze whipped their pale faces. Yoh felt the girl beside him shiver, but that didn't matter to him. Who was he anyways to put a coat or jacket around her shoulders? He would die first before taking the risks. But then again, if he took the risks, still he would die right?

_You hate her Yoh, take note of that. _Yoh scolded himself.

Another moment of silence overlapped with the falling leaves of the frosty trees and it was surely enough to drive Yoh Asakura nuts…again. He felt uneasy with the deafening silence especially when Kyouyama Anna was sitting beside him. When he finally felt the tension around them lessened, he decided to bring the subject he has always dreaded.

"Uhh…uhh…err…Anna," it sounded more like a statement than a question. Yoh turned his head just in time to see Anna staring at him with solemn eyes.

"What," said Anna coldly, while adjusting her itako beads around her neck. Yoh saw how her eyes flicker with concern, but her dark eyes hastily returned to being cold and detached.

"Remember our contract?" asked Yoh nervously. He didn't know how he would say it in front of her. He didn't technically want to break his promise, but he should tell it to her. He didn't intend to tell her at all, but Yoh was sure Anna has the right to know.

_I would have to tell her sooner or later that my 'fiancé-searching' is becoming more and more unrealistic as days pass by. I would have to tell her that she was the one to blame._

"How could I not?" she said, as she averted her stare to the evening sky. "Why did you ask?"

Yoh scratched his head rather uncomfortably. He somehow managed to look at Anna's face directly, without restraining himself for another breakdown of tension or rage. He stammered evidently, "I, ugghh… was about to tell you that-"

His words were interrupted when Anna clenched her fists and said, "Why would you even bother to come up with such subject."

"Ugghhh…" Yoh stuttered. He, too, clenched his fists in attempt to hold his temper for a few more minutes.

"I don't have time for any prattle, Asakura Yoh. I want to hear what you want to say, straight to the point, and DON'T waste my TIME!" Anna barked, her half-lowered eyes glared menacingly into Yoh's.

Yoh didn't expect Anna's sudden outburst. Why was she mad that he brought that subject? It was he who has the right to be mad at her right? But he knew it for so many years, and that made him go still: Kyouyama Anna should not be questioned.

Yoh's face grew dark, his temper arose, and Anna was sure it was no joke. He couldn't take it anymore. He was tired—tired of lying, pretending, he was too tired of everything. For the first time in four years, he didn't feel his patience screamed _'hold on.' _Asakura Yoh felt the sudden urge of wrenching the girl he had learned to hate for the past four years.

"I'm tired Kyouyama. All in vain, everything," he said, no emotion emanated from his usual playful voice.

Anna was taken aback by what her _friend_ had said. The way he had called her by her surname was raging. Him? Tired? She didn't get it. All of her life, she didn't hear Asakura Yoh stare at her like that with eyes burning with fury. "Tell me," she paused, "what are you tired of."

Yoh noticed the sudden quiver in Anna's voice, but he paid no heed to it. He rose from the wooden floor and talked to Anna with his back.

"Of everything," he said flatly.

"Specific," Anna said. She found it very silly to talk to Yoh in a one-word basis.

"You want all of it specific, Anna?" his voice didn't cringe.

"Straight to the point." Anna could feel the pain pierced her heart deeper.

"Are you s-" Yoh tried to speak, but Anna didn't let him finish. He didn't need to hear what she would say next, but Anna, judging from the intense look on her face, didn't let him run away. Yoh turned around, just in time to see something sparkle on Anna's unfeeling eyes.

"I'm sure with my words Yoh," her voice trembled, though she tried really hard to hide it. "Are you afraid to hear what I want to say?"

"No." his voice toned-down.

"Then make me bleed Asakura Yoh. Make me bleed to death," Anna finally turned her head towards Yoh. There were tears running smoothly on her cheek. Yoh, on the other hand, gazed at her strange behavior, but he could feel no more. No concern. No pain. He didn't speak. He just listened.

"You could have done that four years ago. You would have seen me covered in blood. But why didn't you let me? TELL ME!"

No, he was not in the mood to explain everything to her, but Anna needed an answer. No, he was not to give up easily.

Pain. No. He couldn't feel anything. _Only resentment. _He reminded his heart.

"Am I the one to blame? ASAKURA YOH!!!! ANSWER ME!!! Are you tired of consenting me?!!"

Yoh avoided her pleading but rather unyielding stare. Anna's voice came gruff and her eyes were hollow, it mirrored nothing but a quizzical look. Her stare melted on to his, beckoning him to answer even one question of her.

"Did I ask for your help? Did I tell you to look after me? DID I!?" Anna faltered. An itako should not feel anything. She had learned it for as long as she could remember under those relentless training with Asakura Kino. "For once Yoh, be sensible!"

He could not take it anymore. All those intense training with his family ever since he was a carefree toddler, came crushing down his mind. Flashes of events during and after the Shaman King tournament narrated how frail he was compared to Hao's unparalleled furyoku. His sanity was thrown into thrash when he remembered his family's face when he lost the battle, full of disgrace and loathing. They were ashamed of him; he was unworthy of being an Asakura.

_And for that, I cannot forgive. _He thought.

"And what do you want me to do," he finally spoke.

Caught off guard, Anna almost jumped in surprise when she finally heard the shaman a meter away from her mumbled.

"Watch as my brother kill you? Or let's put it this way, watch as Hao slaughter you in front of my very eyes?! For goodness sake ANNA! I KNOW what he WANTED! He wanted me to forfeit the match. And to do that he thought of threatening me by killing a friend! And you just want me to watch that scenario grudgingly! I have a heart!"

"But I never asked." Anna replied quietly. She grabbed her palms and placed it in front of her mouth. Tears spilled incessantly from her eyes. She could congratulate herself for crying, if only she were crying because of joy. "You could just leave and watch me DIE! You wouldn't care anyway! I know you wouldn't! All along I know you've been cursing me behind my back! Do I need to elaborate more?! Do you want me to narrate why you hate me so much?!"

"YES! I am sadistic! Heartless! I can slay you with my harsh trainings! But then, I'll return the question back to you! WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO!?!"

"What do you-"

"Let you die? Let myself watch as other shamans dismember you bit by bit!? I tried to get the slacker out of you! And I did it out of my own free will!" she choked.

_And this is where it all ends._

_Forget that you know me Asakura Yoh._

_But remember that you hate me._

_And I'd be glad for that._

Anna stood up, turned her heels and sprinted up the stairs, her red bandanna billowed behind. Yoh was rendered speechless, he stared at the night sighing.

_Make me bleed Asakura Yoh. Make me bleed to death. _

The Anna he knew was never like that. She was such a promising itako, no emotions lurked behind her cool demeanor. The Anna he knew was never known to lose a strand of her temper. She was someone you can hardly defy, but he had done it. Asakura Yoh had not only confronted her, but he had burned her as well, like hell he had.

He had done more than defying her. He broke…her trust, of all things she can afford to give. It was her trust broken, all because of his haunting defeat. Anna was right; she didn't ask for his help. He could just leave her around and let her die. But he didn't. He stepped back from his fighting stance and rushed to Anna's side, shielded her from any attack Hao would likely give. He could still remember Hao expecting for an answer between, forfeit or friends.

He wouldn't have done it if it weren't for Anna, his_ friend. _And he was sure that if his other friends' lives were at stake, he would surely do the same thing. Hand over the Shaman King title easily to Hao Asakura, and he'd have his friends' safety in return.

_But to be the Shaman King is my greatest dream. And because I have not achieved that goal, I dishonored my family. The Shaman King they wanted me to be was no more, for now I'm only a helpless shaman imprisoned by the torture of defeat. _

His emotions were gloomy—_no,_ maybe it is just the evening's wrath which made him feel that way. The moon streamed on the Asakura's deserted hallways and illuminated a young shaman who seemed preoccupied with his thoughts. There was something in him which smothered his senses and he barely noticed it.

Yoh Asakura, himself, was hurting. Without contemplating whether he should seek for apology from his friend, he dashed to his room without admitting pain. Asakura Yoh was never impenitent for what he had done.

_What will be will be._

_If he were to hate her forever, he's ready to forget everything she had done._

_Including the contract, though he should never break their remaining connection. _

_As for now, he chose to keep quiet._

_For… _

_Time will heal those wounds itself. _

_And that, he quite believed._

---

(ANNA)

I tucked my knees near me and enveloped it with my feeble arms. I did stoop low when I cried, because of Yoh. No, maybe I'm just experiencing identity problems. For the once detached itako could now feel, because—of nothing.

_Insurmountable pain. _My mind wanted to scream, to burst all these emotions bottled inside my bleeding heart.

Pain? Who would have thought that, I, for one Kyouyama Anna, still know the meaning of pain. Yes, and it is very heart-wrenching.

An itako, yes I am, by name, by heart and by spirit. I was brought to a world shielded by an icy barrier of swirling hatred and darkness. I grew up in a world where no one can dare touch nor harm me. I never felt hunger towards the things I have once succumbed to make me alive again. I never regretted any of my decisions; I'm straightforward, I prevail with my words.

I gazed at myself on the mirror in front of me. _Pathetic. _I'd dare say. I thought I was inhumane, I thought all of those years of brutal training in Osorezan would make me realize that life can be tackled alone. Hence, I offered myself a façade I've worn for a very long time since then. But because of him—the grandson of the itako who took care of me when I was disowned by my parents, gave me a reason to at least enjoy my life.

Asakura Yoh. _Pain_. I'd never thought that the word pain would be associated with the name Yoh, the laidback bummer of the Asakura family. For years that I've been living under this roof, he made me feel welcomed, unharmed, cared for and most of all…important.

But how? How did everything turn this way?

Yes, when we were thirteen years old, I was appointed by Kino-sensei and Yohmei-sensei to train their grandson, Yoh Asakura. I was glad, yes I was, though it appeared to them that I was completely annoyed by their grandson's lazy behavior. But I said yes to them, he is my friend after all, my very first friend.

And then here comes the Shaman King Tournament. Just when we thought I'd brought out the best shaman he could be, Yoh lost, with ease, though sarcastic, yes he did. All because of me.

_All because of a stupid reason._

_He surrendered the Shaman King title,_

_In exchange of my shameful safety,_

_All because of me. _

I would like to smile at the very thought, but no, for I'm making things worse for the both of us. And now, here we were, arguing over a lousy contract we had made. He was desperate so I agreed to train him ten times harder than I used to be. He offered me an exchange to what I will do. So I gave him one. One, which I think will keep him away from me—forever. So I asked for it. A fiancé. He instantly assented, he said he would do it, in trade of my austere training.

But why was he blaming everything to me?! To me!? Oh god, I was getting really lame. I stood up and leaned my body against the door. _Pain._

Goodness! How many times do I have to tell myself that scrunching word?! Fifty?! One hundred?! A thousand?! A Million?! Or until I see what hell looks like?!

_Tears_. It felt very odd for someone like me. Anna Kyouyama cried. The Anna Kyouyama. They were dropping bit by bit, as I felt my eyes burning with such an annoying soreness. _It hurts._ But I could not do anything about it. I could not steel myself and show Asakura Yoh that he was wrong for shouting at me.

_But I could not do that._

_Maybe I could, if the person who made my heart bleed, weren't Yoh. _

(YOH)

I could hear Anna's muffles behind her door, but I couldn't care less. I admit that I felt the desire of grabbing and hugging her. But I just couldn't. I was too prided with my anger.

My vision blurred as I tried to step inside my room. Thoughts clouded my once vacant mind.

_You should apologize to her_. My heart wailed everytime I hear those echoing sounds of anguish and sorrow. My heart wanted me to do that, but my mind never agreed. Compared to the brain, the heart was a mere abject tool of the body. Without our heart, we can still manage to live, like how Anna survived. But without the brain, we cannot function normally.

No, to her I cannot. Forgiveness is only reserved for people with importance.

_So Anna was of no importance at all? _There it was again, my accusing heart.

But I could not give what my heart wanted. But I know I'll make her doomed to the darkness forever. I tried very hard to bail her out of her shell, but what was I doing? Am I not pushing her back in?

_No._

What she wanted to receive,

_I cannot give._

**Author's Notes: **Yep! Another anime, another fic! Hey, lookie, lookie, I've changed my pen name.

Anyways, please do review! First try on Mankin and I hope many would appreciate it. Comments? Suggestions? Flames! Yeah! I'm accepting, BUT do make it constructive. Flame me negatively if ever I've received more than a hundred reviews! (as if! Lolz!) Thanks in advance and you'll really make this poor author happy!

Hehehe, I've started Chapter Two! snickers

yourz,

_chibi-asakura_

P.S. I've done almost 60 of Predicted Love's Chapter Four. Yeah, I'm sorry to disappoint you guys.


	2. Still An Inferno

A big thank you to all those who reviewed! I know that Yoh and Anna are very OOC, but they have to go with the plot of the fic. Enjoy this chap since it's longer than chapter one!

**Disclaimer: **Shaman King belongs to Hiroyuki Takei. So there's no point in suing me. Also, Grip belongs to Every Little Thing and to its respective owners.

**_Nostalgic Affection  
_**chibi-asakura  
**Still An Inferno  
**_Chapter Two _

The sun's radiance went through every crack and patch of the Asakura household. Morning had once again proved its magnificence as it illuminated the crystal blue pond near the residence' main door. The light wind crept through the hallways, yearning for its prey. While the weather intensified the strange breakout of blitheness and peace, everything inside the once lively house of the Asakura's came all too unfamiliar.

December drew near and yet for the two teenagers living under this roof, not a sense of camaraderie, lingered in the air. _Cold_. It was the perfect term any bystander would like to comment if ever they passed this house. The sound of the word matched the remaining friendly atmosphere of the said home. It wasn't a home in fact,

_This one is pure hell. Except for the fact that hell is full of blazing flames._

Her golden hair waved scruffily as she fixed the futon inside her wardrobe. She went to the bathroom, took a bath and brushed her teeth.

_But this one still is, full of frozen flames. An inferno of resentment. _

Anna Kyouyama stood in front of her mirror, her gaze lingering, but her expression was still pokerfaced. She grabbed the nearest comb she could reach on her wardrobe, then hastily combed her golden hair. Her small figure looked so pathetic in front of the mirror with her eyes swollen, it could have been worse.

She heard creaking sounds as she knotted her red tie then put on her green coat. However, with those continuous annoying sound, she did not make any move. She did not complain, nothing could make her move today, not even _his_ nagging could make her feel worse._ For I already am the worst_.

She grabbed her school bag and slung it over her shoulders. It was Monday, another week of complete silence. Before, she believed that Monday will always be different from the remaining days of the week. Yet, with what happened a week before, she dared not to ponder what will happen to her the next day and the day after tomorrow. It will always be that way. Silence. Nothing more.

Seventeen year old Kyouyama Anna, exited her room and stood on the hallway, noticing the lone figure walked past her in a brusque way. Yoh shuffled his hair then put his orange headphones on top of his ears, turning it on. He swayed his head as he listened to the rhythmic beat of the sound emitting from the headphones and descended the stairs.

Anna sighed, her head shook involuntarily. _'It'd be a miracle if he'll talk to me.'_

She followed, though hesitantly, she followed him with a heavy heart. Her steps weren't usually like this, heavy like her heart. But all because of Yoh Asakura, she reached the very strand of her temper then -poof- she fell. And then, she found no one to blame but Yoh. Perfect Asakura Yoh, he said so.

When Anna reached the kitchen, she saw Yoh sitting and fumbling some bread on his hands, each daubed with a strawberry jam. She could not look directly on his eyes, so like what Yoh did upstairs, she strode briskly then rummaged the fridge for an edible breakfast.

"There are no more food in there. Help yourself with a bread," Yoh considered, as his eyes accidentally met Anna's cranky ones of not finding any food.

"I can manage to live my day without any food, after all, I am Kyouyama Anna," she answered bitterly. She saw Yoh shrugged and returned in eating his sandwiches.

She sighed. Her wishes were not granted, and it was a relief that she didn't expect it to occur in return. She could do her breakfast with a mere glass of milk. _Yeah that'd be better._

"I'm going already. I'm meeting Manta on the way," Yoh rose and heaved his school bag in his hands. He didn't look back as his ragged figure retreated the kitchen, his footsteps thudding on the wooden floor.

"Manta. Yeah, at least Manta was still normal enough to endure his mood swings," she paused. "And at least he talks to that hyperventilating midget."

"What are you mumbling yourself for?" Anna's dark eyes widened as a manly voice immobilized her flooding thoughts. She felt her heart skipped a second as the man of her exasperation gazed compellingly on her shocked expression.

"I…thought…you…ahh…you…yyoouu… left," Anna stammered. Never in her life did she stutter as terrible as that, especially in front of Yoh, of all people.

"But I did not say I'll leave without you," Yoh searched Anna's eyes for something which he thought would make him calm down a little. He heard it clearly, the way Anna spat Manta's name with disgust. _Nah, it's not disgust. It's jealousy. _A voice inside himself snickered.

_Let me be._ Yoh said inwardly.

"No, as I said, I'm Kyouyama Anna. You go ahead, I still have to finish a certain homework I left undone yesterday," she turned and found herself nearing the sink, for no definite reason. She turned the faucet on and allowed herself to feel the piercing coldness of the falling water.

_You can go find Manta, for all I care._

_This day seems pretty weird. First, he's talking to me. Second, he wants us to go to school together. Pretty weird—no **damn **__weird. I wonder if this is only a make-believe._

Left preoccupied with her bustling thoughts, Anna didn't notice the young Shaman stood behind her and closed the faucet. Yoh frowned, Anna didn't detect his presence.

"Aren't you learning from Home Economics? Turn the tap off after using," Yoh derided, his hands still resting on top of the faucet's handle.

Anna's mouth formed an 'a'. She looked more than shocked, _confused_ Yoh thought. Her lips trembled under Yoh's gaze. Anna had no clue. A week ago, she had seen the side of Yoh as if he was being possessed by an evil spirit. He had hit her, her shattering heart at that.

"Classes start at 8:30. It's quarter before eight, we gotta go," Yoh gestured at the kitchen's door. Before Anna could even nod, her wrist fell down instantly and was locked into a firm grip.

---

"Master Hao," a small Shaman said. "He's getting to it again. Opacho sees his determination overcoming his senses. Master Yoh wants to battle Master Hao. Master, are you aware of that?"

Hao smiled, his long brown hair blew in front of his calm face. "I know Opacho. I know he will come back for the Shaman King Title. I, too, know that his willpower increased for the last four years."

"Master Hao, isn't your brother intimidated with what you can do?" Opacho moved forward to peek at the face of his master.

"Intimidated? Much more than that, Opacho, much more than that." Hao's face darkened as he remembered how his brother lose willingly to him. "He's cowered. And his determination is not enough to earn him a renewed self-esteem."

"Why Master?"

"Do you remember her Opacho? He was afraid of losing her, so my dear brother forfeited the match. _How pathetic_," smirked Hao. He stood up and his cloak dropped the ground heavily.

"What about her Master Hao?" the midget could only ask at his master's words.

"What about her? I'm sure she's so desperate to get the Shaman King title for Yoh. She would do anything in exchange of it," explained Hao. "She'd be a good prey."

"What are you planning?"

"I'm planning of surrendering the throne for my otouto. Quite a shame to hand it over easily, but I want her. I want Anna Kyouyama."

"But Master, what if the girl never agrees?"

"She will, I'm very sure, she will. Anything for my dear brother she'll do, even if it means that she has to go with me."

_Otouto, you're getting very impaired because of your loss. But I know you are hurting, and I'll make the pain deeper by getting something which you knew all along was yours. Her. _

------

(Anna)

I looked at Yoh as we silently journeyed the way to Funnbari High. Both of us are in Senior High School, our last year of being ignorant students. A year after this, we would have to prepare for our future, but not for me, because my future lies on his hands. If Yoh Asakura found me a fiancé, there'd be future waiting for me, but if not, I would have to train him until Hao appears for a fight. I signed the contract and there's no place to hide and run, he would find me anyways and besides, I have no place to stay.

His spiky hair bounced as we walked and bumped to find our way out of those buzzing people crossing the streets. I can still remember how he securely held my wrist on his, it was a firm one like what he did to me four years ago when Hao threatened me for my life. I didn't know. Maybe my eyes are fooling me the second time around, but it doesn't matter. I want to have his company even just for today.

We stood in front of the pedestrian lane and waited for the signal to emit a green light. Quite a range of people dressed in their school and office uniforms peeked their wristwatches looking apprehensive. I heard the attractive Shaman colliding beside me bemoaned something about tardiness.

I laughed mentally. It was just like four years ago when I arrived in that old onsen and started to kick his lazy ass. But now, it was a fair occurrence that the once so-called bummer Asakura Yoh, can kick me out of my wits. Yes, he could in just a matter of words. I was bemused by the sudden change in his behavior after I trained him, but I guessed it was just the effect of my training.

Yet, with all the hard works he zealously abided, we returned from the Shaman King Tournament heartbroken, whitewashed, loathed. And I can only blame myself for that. No one but me. Because he tried to save me from Hao Asakura, the current owner of the Shaman King throne. And all thanks to me because my friend here, has to wait for another 500 years before the next Shaman King Tournament begins. If only I can do anything to recover that loss. If only Hao would let me do something in exchange of the Shaman King throne.

"Come on now. The green light just turned on," Yoh ushered me through the vast population of students and employees, squeezing my petite body into a sandwich.

A/N: I recommend you listen to Every Little Thing's Grip while reading this part. I was, so I got motivated. That song's very hyper, but rather cute! Lolz! Don't ask for the translation! I just put a small part of the song, I don't want this chapter to be long because of a song. .

_Aiiro ni chirabaru nanatsu no hoshi yo  
__Sorezore ni ima omoi wa tsunori uchikudakarete ai wo sakenda_

"Chotto matte!" I ran as Yoh looked at me, a small smile forming on his face. I, in return, managed to curve my lips, perhaps it was more like a smile, I thought.

"We're gonna be late!" He whimpered.

"Say it to my face!" I snapped as we ran down Funbari. Both of us sensed those weird stares given by people surrounding us. It doesn't matter. _Even for now. Don't spoil the moment._

_Nigedasu koto mo dekizu ni yume ni sugaritsuku_  
_Ikasama na hibi nado ni wa mou makenai_

"Hello Manta!"

I was brought into a halt when I finally heard Yoh greeted someone cheerfully. I noticed Manta walked to us, looking as pleased as ever. I greeted the new version of Humpy Dumpy too.

"Hello Yoh!" Manta grinned. He hesitated for a moment but smiled at me like what he did to Yoh. "Good morning Anna!"

_Meza__meyou kono shunkan wo  
__Yagate bokura wo torimaku dearou  
__Musekaeru you na riaru na nichijou  
__Taisetsu na mono wa ... nanda'?!_

The three of us chatted wildly for the rest of the trip. It felt like old times before each of us were mostly put into a graveyard in battling with different Shamans. Take Yoh for example of course.

_Zeitaku na sekai no naka ni miekakure suru eien no kakera_  
_Sawatte tsukande bokura no ima wo kicchiri aruitekou_

This day might be the day I'm waiting for. Peace. But there's something amiss, which I cannot point to myself. Nevertheless, I felt it…

-----

(Yoh)

I saw Anna smiled at me. Maybe because I'm not being harsh on her again and she did really has a good point. We arrived Funbari High at 8 o' clock flat, since the distance between the school and our home is a merely fifteen-minute walk. We sweat dropped as we saw students scrambling on our direction. Uh oh, this is harder than I thought.

I grabbed Anna out of the way as we ran to the school's backyard. I could hear her mumble curses under her breath. I suddenly felt peace while her hands rested on mine, breaking the tension with only the two of us leaning on the wall of a school building. I suddenly felt a shock of electricity sprang through my nerve endings. I recalled the incidents of the Shaman Fight, four years ago.

_--Flashback--_

_"Dear brother, choose now," Hao laughed at my bewildered yet flinching expression._

_"This is no time for nursery rhymes Hao! Leave **her **__out of this!" I flared as my power spirit, Amidamaru, asked me to calm down._

_"Master Yoh, your anger will just cause you a big trouble," Amidamaru said earnestly. _

_"Don't expect me to do that Amidamaru! He's gonna kill Anna!" I retorted._

_"But"-_

_Amidamaru was soon cut by my wicked brother's smirk. "Yoh. The throne or her? NOW!"_

_"Leave-HER-out-of-this!" I yelled my body cannot respond, I was too petrified by the shouts I was hearing from the Spirit of Fire's death grip. Anna. _

_"Feisty, aren't we dear brother?" Hao's voice became serious and during those times, I knew he would do it. He'd kill Anna._

_"Stop!!!!!!" _

_--End of Flashback--_

"Quite a fan's club you have there," panted the itako beside me. My vision became hazy as I gazed at Anna's haggard face, damped with sweat. Blonde locks shielded her black eyes from me.

I fretted. No, I shouldn't feel this way. Just because images of how mercilessly my twin brother frightened me of killing the girl beside me doesn't mean I have to pour all my hatred on Anna again. If I'd do that again, I'm positive, I might kill her.

Maybe it was only my alter ego on cue, the part of me which apparently holds an anger towards Hao and to her. Anna.

_"Or maybe it is just your pride," _my subconscious completed my sudden state of shock. Was it really true? The reason of why I hate Anna lies on my appalling pride? I'm conceited, yes I am, but at least I still exist. And what do they think is the best for me to feel? Happy? Rejoicing? I doubt it.

Patience, I do need one. I would not be this troubled if only I didn't feel any surge of emotion. I stared at Anna, for the longest time in seven years that we've known each other. I just remembered that she's committed to me, and so am I to her. The contract still has to be finished. Even for today, I just want peace—the thing I fought for, years ago.

I brushed the strands of her hair and tucked it behind her ears, murmuring almost above a whisper, "Don't you ever dare scare me again, ok?"

Anna looked at me, her cheeks flushing. I could feel the heat radiating from her usually cold and limp body. "Anou….ahhh…"

"Are you alright?" I asked, I could tell that my voice is full of concern.

"Yes… I am. I am Kyouyama Anna remember?" her voice created an impact on my behavior. There she goes again, trying to hide everything.

I cupped her face onto my big hands and it became warmer. No, I should not give in to my emotions. Anna took a glance on my frozen face and began to breath heavily. I snapped from my thoughts once again. "Let's go to class."

Anna responded with a nod. We went back to the mob, both of us carried an expression of a mystifying reaction.

----

4:00 in the afternoon.

Normally, classes in Japan end at this hour, the school grounds and the soccer field should be packed with students coming from different year levels. But today seems different, even Asakura Yoh perceived the strangeness that afternoon. Manta, himself kept on fidgeting on his seat. Anna, on the other hand, was the one who appeared tenser than any other individual inside class 3-A.

(A/N: why class 3-A? The mankin characters are 17, and in senior high school. Senior high school is a non-compulsory higher education which consists of three years. When you are 17, you are on its last year. Senior high begins at the age of 15. How did I know? winks)

"Class that's all for today. You may leave," the sensei finally announced and there were loud yawns heard at the back, one coming from Yoh.

"Finally," said Yoh, stretching his arms high above his head.

"Hi Yoh!" Manta greeted him, his schoolbag in between his arms and underarms.

"Hi," Yoh grinned sheepishly.

"Is there any problem with Anna?" asked Manta, his eyes landed on the doorway.

"With Anna?" Yoh halted. "Why?"

"I just saw her dashed out of the room, looking worried," Manta rubbed his chin.

"What?" Yoh asked in disbelief. His tangerine headphones fell and stayed still on his neck.

"Did you feel something weird just a few minutes ago?" said the midget, frowning.

"Something? Yeah!" Yoh answered, seeming not to care. He adjusted his headphone back to his head. "Can Anna sense more than I do?"

"I think so. She seemed really worried. She was not concentrating on our discussion today. Atypical Anna, I say," Manta's brows began to rise in every angle.

"Then, we go look for her!" Yoh announced urgently, then sprinted to the door. Manta followed suit but not enough to race with Yoh's panicking pace.

_"I think I sensed Hao."_

----

Anna stood near a sakura tree, her hands tightened into fists and her dark eyes were flaring. A chilly wind passed by and blew her tresses away from her face, revealing a half terrified and half determined look. Her stance grew firmer as she gritted her teeth with sheer anger.

"Hao," Anna spat, resentfully. "Don't tell me you have another hidden agenda in that thick and smug skull of yours."

"Clever as usual aren't we Anna?" Hao's voice echoed the deserted backyard of Funbari High. "I can still remember how painful you look when my Spirit of F-"

"I'm in no mood for childish plays Asakura Hao!" Anna butt in offensively.

"That is exactly what your adorable boyfriend said to me when I was about to kill you!" Hao mocked, his presence still lingered in the air but Anna cannot see his face.

"What do you want with Yoh?! Aren't you contented? You have everything Yoh's heart desires, what is the thing that you still want?" Anna cried, bitterness evident on her cold voice. "You are the SHAMAN KING! You have the THRONE! Could you still ask for more?!"

Anna's eyes widened as a figure dressed in a cloak leapt in front of her. Hao. Her first instinct was to run and call for Yoh's help. But she held herself, she had caused enough troubles to Yoh, so now, it's time for her to fight back. She stepped backward, as Hao's presence seemed to choke her awfully.

"Yes I want more, a thing I'm sure my brother will not give to me, should I say the reason of his existence?" Hao slyly said. He advanced towards Anna and tried to grab her hand. Luckily, Anna has good reflexes and backed away at the exact time.

"The Shaman King throne is the only reason why he stays alive, nothing more. And you have it all to yourself for 500 years! I'm warning you Hao, back off!" Anna threatened. _Four years ago, this evil scared me out of my wits, but now, I won't let him harm me again. For Yoh, I will not fail._

Hao stepped forward, his eyes widening, "I should have known that you're not as cognizant as I thought when I first saw you."

"I've always been aware with my surroundings Hao, that's what I've been known for, Kyouyama Anna the _itako_," Anna gave emphasis to the word itako. She straightened her posture and glared at Hao.

"Really? I'm quite surprised," he chuckled. "Then give me what I want, NOW!"

"Who died and gave you the permission to just order me around?! You want to have something? Why don't you go and visit for that? You might find there what you are looking for!" said Anna, sardonically. "Sorry, can't help you, we don't have internet connection!"

Anna started to walk away when she felt her wrist burn. Hao gazed into her dark eyes and leaned closer until Anna could feel herself breathing slowly. Anna felt the scorching pain on her left wrist grew deeper. She bit her lip, preventing herself to cry. Not in front of Hao. She just cannot. Hao's grip tautened as Anna caught sight her blood dripping on the ground. She stomped her feet, unable to do something.

"How is it like to feel so helpless Anna?" Hao mocked. His right hand released a bit of his furyoku and Anna's left wrist was likened to the kettle's steam. Her hand was, literally, burning.

She let out a scream of pain, but no one can hear it.

"Stop whimpering and give me what I want! Do you want yourself to be roasted alive?!"

"I'd rather see myself in a pork grill than complying your tainted brain!" Anna shrieked. "I'm not a fortune teller! How would I know what you want?!"

"I'll give the Shaman King throne," Hao offered. His death grip lessened a bit and was not releasing an ounce of his furyoku, fortunately, for Anna, who was nearly smothered by a flaming sensation.

"I'm not as stupid as you think Hao. You have a lopsided way of thinking and don't expect me to follow your orders around like your idiotic minions do," Anna snarled, something scarlet was still oozing from her left injured wrist.

"I'm serious dear Anna," Hao said. "The Shaman King throne, in exchange of you."

Anna was rendered speechless. Her? Of all people he wants to bargain with, why her? The Anna Kyouyama known for being a cynical lady? Fate must be kidding her. She shook her head, "I will never agree with that."

"But with the Shaman King throne for my brother? I think to get a refusal from a strong-minded person like you is highly endearing or something I don't expect."

"Everything in a person's life comes surprising. In fact, you'll never know who'll hit you the next," she replied, through clenched teeth.

Hao dragged her close. "Think of it. You said it so right? Being the Shaman King is what my brother wants. You even surprised me when you said that it's the reason of his existence. Quite piteous my foolish brother really is."

"I-am-not-a-toy!" Anna snapped as she struggled from the latter's grasp. "I am not just someone you and your brother can trash whenever you got bored or whatsoever! You don't have to take pity on your _dear_ brother! I could tell that he's quite contented with my cries!"

She was wrong, she wasn't supposed to release her façade, not now, not ever, and not especially with _him_ around the vicinity. She just felt his presence. The soul of the person who made her cry for the first time, Asakura Yoh.

---

"Not someone you and your brother can trash whenever you got bored or whatsoever! You don't have to take pity on your _dear_ brother! I could tell that he's quite contented with my cries!"

Yoh turned the corner just in time to saw his friend being harassed by his replica. Anger immediately rushed inside his veins when he saw the scene he never wanted to see. Hao, with…Anna.

"Hao," Yoh's voice shook. His twin brother smiled at him and raised his left hand, for the other went around Anna's bleeding wrist.

"Yoh," Anna whispered. She tried to wriggle her hand free but failed due to Hao's darkening stare at his brother.

"Stop wriggling and I'll burn you down again!" he warned, his gaze still focused on Yoh who was on the same level of hatred as Hao's.

"What do you want this time?!" Yoh demanded, his eyes did not flicker. He averted his eyes to Anna who was still clutched with Hao.

"Don't melt your stare with her brother for I might do it in front of your eyes," Hao sneered, looked at Anna then back to Yoh, who has finally moved closer to them.

"Give Anna back to me!" Yoh reached for his waist but his haru-same wasn't there.

"Poor brother, you can't fight without your helpless samurai and sword can you?"

"Grrhhh…" Yoh trembled. Hao was really pissing him off. If only he could do something, anything. To his surprise, it really was a miracle when he saw Hao released Anna without him noticing. There was a loud boom heard and Yoh could see only smoke, but he was sure he heard something.

_You aren't a toy, but someday, you are. I'll come back otouto, to get something which belongs to you._

"ANNA!" Yoh echoed the first group of letters that his mind processed. He rushed to her side and supported her body with his right arms going around her pale neck.

Anna coughed. She covered her mouth with her left hand and she immediately recognized the aching sensation sprang through her body. She propped her right elbow on the ground and tried to sit up. "Yoh?"

---

(Anna)

"WHY?!" Yoh scared me to death with his voice. He was back again, to his _normal_ self. The side of him I never wanted to see, the aftermath of the Shaman King Tournament. His antipathy towards everybody, especially to me was increasing. I cannot take such emotions, besides my left wrist still throbbed because of Hao's supreme furyoku.

"I do not understand," I whispered.

"It's funny that you don't understand what I meant. Liar!" He shook my body vigorously. I think he would attempt himself to kill me. His voice was powerful even his blazing eyes forced me to descend to death. My throat tightened, I cannot speak, my voice seemed lost. _God, not now. _

He stood up and hauled me against his lean body. I suddenly felt happy, but the next thing he did caught me off guard. I went crazy, I really did.

**_Author's Notes: _**_Wow! This chapter was really long! Comments? Suggestions? Flames? Review!_

_Only joking! I will never end the chapter there! snickers No! Please don't hate me! It's getting sappy again, I just want to lighten you up guys! I promise I'll never do that again! _

BACK TO THE FIC! --->

He slammed me against the wall and it did take me by surprise. His husky breath blew my golden locks away. I flinched, the blow must've been the cause of my now feeble body. He pushed me harder on the wall, but I think I'm lucky the Yoh is still a foot away from my trembling figure.

"I thought you have more sense?!" he yelled. "I thought you've already learned!!!? I thought you've become sensible enough not to show even a strand of your hair to Hao!!!!"

No. He was starting it again, the puzzle refused to be mend. He broke it once more. I thought I could fix it bit by bit with a glue, but my instincts failed me. Yoh Asakura not just shattered my heart he burned it into ashes. Still an inferno his eyes were as they bore into my petrified ones.

My mouth opened, but nothing came out so the Shaman mused his thoughts vocally on me…again.

"Seeing him hold you makes my heart wrench! Remember why I got defeated! Remember it! Remember it! Just seeing you talk to him helps my haunting defeat retaliate my senses! The hatred! The suffering I would have to undergo till my life is over!!"

"I just felt him. I know I am responsible for your loss, that's why I talked to him," I lied. My voice croaked, I knew it, I lied. I was afraid of his wrath, his temper. I knew all of these things were brought by the tournament. But I cannot heal his wounds, for I, myself cannot find any solution for this matter.

Yoh punched the wall. It created a loud bang. Looking into his eyes, I know what he wanted to hit… Me.

"Do you know how much I hate myself?!!" he asked silently, his head dropped low. I could not see his face, they were covered by his bangs. "DO YOU?!!"

One by one, tears fell from my eyes. I sniffed as I tried to string the words inside my mind together.

_I…nnn..never… No…I know it…wasss… STOP! _I cannot. I'll only stammer if I try.

"ANNA!" He yelled my name and I closed my eyes due to his loud voice.

Flashes of events flooded my mind.

_A brunette boy sitting near the lake, looking so peaceful._

_A panting child of about ten running around the house looking for his hideout._

_The thirteen year old Yoh Asakura who was so alarmed when I arrived at his house. But he still gave me one of his boyish grins._

_The Yoh I hardly knew after the shaman fight. Helpless. Worn out, in soul, in heart and in mind. _

_The lad who eagerly asked for my help after his defeat with his twin._

_And the Yoh Asakura standing in front of me, cursing my name._

No, he isn't Yoh. This one isn't Yoh. Where are the smiles? Those unique laidback smiles? Where? Were they buried together with the Yoh whom I befriended? Yoh. I never wanted to see the new Yoh!

No!

_Shout Anna!_ My mind screamed as my tears dropped harder.

NO!

_Anna! Anything! _It was my heart this time. _Go. _

"It hurts," I said as grief traveled through my body like electricity. Piercing. I did not intend to say it, but I cannot do anything about it, I can only repeat what I want him to hear. "It hurts Yoh."

_"It hurts. You're not Yoh. You are not my friend. You're only a shaman whom I do not know."_

**Author's Notes: **This is the real author's notes, and nope I'm not kidding. Find out on the third chapter what will be Yoh's reaction! Yippee! Comments? Suggestions? Flames? Yep, as long as it's constructive. Ohhh!!! Review! Review and make me happy! I won't update unless I get reviews! Sounds persistent ne? grins

Date Finished:

November 29, 2004

Isn't it odd? It's true, I've finished this chapter last November 29, 2004. You guys can ask why I posted it late… Uggh… I only have one reason for all my procrastinations, because of school works!

Review! Thank you!

chibi-asakura


	3. Deeper

**Author's Notes:** I'm sorry for the delay! I've gotten some problems with my internet connection. I didn't intend to post this one so late like this! I'm very sorry guys! Anyways, thank you for those wonderful reviews! I hope you'll like this one too, I guess less sappy than the first two chapters. I wasn't crying when I did this! Also be reminded that English is not my first language and I tried hard (not very, gomen) to correct all my grammar. 

Thank you to all of you! Ooohh, and before I forgot, happy New Year too!

**Disclaimer: **Shaman King belongs to Hiroyuki Takei.

**Nostalgic Affection**  
-chibi asakura-

**Deeper **  
_Chapter Three_

(Anna)

"_It hurts. You're not Yoh. You are not my friend. You're only a shaman whom I do not know."_

I've heard before that in life, there are two things which we cannot hold back. One is love, though I have always been numb about that topic. They said that the more you keep it inside your heart, the sooner it will be revealed. Two is tears and somehow I proved that one true, for I'm crying right now and the more I tried to stop them from falling, the harder they fell.

Yoh tilted his head and looked at me, aghast. He seemed to be thunderstruck as if thousand volts of lightning had paralyzed and roasted him alive. But I knew what he feels, after all, I'm not stupid.

_Guilt._

Our eyes portray our soul and emotions. If there is one thing a Yoh would like to hide, it must be his eyes. They were a deep shade of black, emphasizing his blank expression, tired…guilt.

At first glance, some may think that I'm hallucinating since there's still that look of revulsion evident on his face. The look reserved only for me. And I hate having this feeling of knowing, he must've been really angry than guilty.

I attempted to touch his hair and comb it with my fingers, but something held me back. Maybe it was his eyes, his woeful yet fierce eyes. But the risks are worth it, aren't they? At least if I tried, at least, well maybe, I'll anger him more and he'll hate me more too, only—forever.

Yoh Asakura was unnerving and that's a truth not any tall tale in the streets. He has complete control over me, and did I mention before that his authoritative voice can make me wonder sometimes if I'm still alive? I never give any damn for that matter, because I never did really care if he shouts at me or not. I thought it was normal, since Yoh is Yoh and I do believe I do not know him that well at all. But it was just that on the night when I finally realized what kind of a fool I was.

Four years, and I've never thought or cared about it. That, I, Kyouyama Anna, is the reason of the death of Yoh Asakura. The old Yoh Asakura, never the irate shaman standing in front of me. But somehow, there was this nagging feeling on my chest which tells me that it wasn't my fault.

I chided on myself the things I was supposed to know all along: Yoh is the wind, but still breakable.

Without any second thought, "It hurts Yoh," I said. Regardless of his blazing eyes, those words slipped passed my mouth again. But this moment was different. Yoh released his grip on my hands completely and carefully put them back. His hands dropped on his side and it stayed there, stable, unmoving as if he had become numb.

But he wasn't numb, Asakura Yoh was never considered as a numb person. You can rummaged through the lists of unfeeling people and you can never find him there. If he cannot feel, then maybe he's not going to act like this, maybe we are currently living in peace. And he, again, proved me that my instincts were indeed right.

"What hurts?" Yoh asked in an even tone.

"…" No words were formed from my usual witty brain, hence I wasn't able to counter his words.

"What hurts?" he repeated, but more intensive than the last time. "Is it that hard to answer…Kyouyama?"

It came again. Surname basis. And judging from the sound of his voice, he has the initiative of breaking me again, no, kill me at that. So much for my dismay, no words came out from my mouth. I stayed motionless, expressionless, despite of the failing façade built around me.

"Are you telling me that my grasp on your hand hurts?" he asked. "IS THAT IT??!!!!"

"No." I answered simply. Without any hesitation and finally feeling every ounce of my valor filling me in, I continued. "You can grip my hand ten times tighter than that and I will not complain."

"Or maybe, feeling so helpless?" he tried. "Do you now know, how terrible it feels?"

"No." I replied. "Helpless? You might be joking Yoh."

"Ever since _you _and Hao defeated and shattered my dream of becoming the Shaman King, I have not been joking. Not anymore, not ever," Yoh intoned. His voice was cold, eyes were piercing. I just hope this conversation will not go far beyond that. Hopefully, I will not be able to reach the thing I have always dreaded since last week.

_His wrath. _

_The last straw of his temper._

Just when I thought he was finished with his speech of total contempt, I opened my mouth to bring him back into his senses. But there was this fact I haven't stored in my mind for a couple of days. _Once you anger the new Asakura Yoh, you should be daunted. Far more than daunted, you start packing your things already and do not come any closer for a measure of a kilometer._

_And I did cross the line of his patience. _

But I never believed it, then again, he proved me wrong. The set of words I thought I will never hear from someone I thought had saved my soul before. Hearing I hate You from him is much more better from hearing those fresh new words. It was like a thousand of needles had prickled me to death.

"_You killed me Anna. You killed me, worse than Hao did."_

"I never did," I shook my head and smiled weakly. "You're the only one who can kill yourself."

Upon saying what I wanted, I pushed him away with such an amazing force. I turned my heels around and ran, away from him, if possible, forever. I veered my head back onto his lone figure. I didn't fail to notice his clenched fists, his culpable yet flaring look. I met Manta on the process. He was panting and I stopped to take a look on his round face.

He asked, "Anna, where are you off-"

"Don't ask," I interrupted. This is no time for such questions regarding our dispute. In a mere second, I found myself running again. To nowhere. To a place where I can seek for Yoh's cure.

_Deeper. _

_A little waver on my knees. _

_Deeper. _

_I felt so weak._

_Deeper. _

_Tears fell again. Harder. _

_Deeper._

_My voice fades. _

_Deeper. _

_My heart breaks._

I leaned on the bark of a sakura tree for support. For resignation. Ignoring the burning sensation on my left wrist, I continued to stare blankly…to nowhere. I thought he was going to say, "I hate you."

I snickered. Scale me from one to ten of how fool I am. I shrugged. I'd give my self ten for that. For believing that he will actually repeat the I hate you line on my face, I feel like I'm the foulest of all fools. Easily_ deceived_. A fool.

"_You killed me Anna. You killed me, worse than Hao did." _Yes, I was capable of murdering him in all prospects for years that he has been training under my hands. But those words. They undermined my soul, my heart.

I looked up at the sky. Such a sense of intriguing desire to motivate those people who have been lost. Vaguely remembering how Yoh went through the years of my constant training, I put in my mind how his easy smiles annoyed me. His carefree attitude. Before, I wished he'd be able to act seriously, his actions justified and sure. But boy, how much I regretted that wish now?

_Very._

Remorse flowed through my body as the indulgence of fate was swept away from my being.

_Hypocrite. _Before he never was, but now, in all angles, that shaman was only a fraud of my delusion. A figment of my imagination. Frankly speaking, a week ago, when we fought, I had pursued my brain to think that he's nothing but a dream, that it wasn't anything. I think I was wrong to tell myself that. After all, no matter how a dream may seem impossible, there are still possibilities that it can happen further in the future.

I sighed. I tried to decipher his emotions, his words. Tsk! How can you understand someone who _doesn't want to be understood?_ It was like talking to a garden pot placed on the window sill with its leaves crunching silently. No response. Even though there was this response to stimulus movement of living things. It isn't a mimosa we're talking about here, a shaman, a human who can feel but who doesn't want to feel anymore, Asakura Yoh.

_Pain. _It was there again. The untouchable itako that resides on my being was no more. Anna Kyouyama can now be easily intimidated. And my situation was worsened when I finally admitted it to myself that Yoh was the reason of my sudden change.

Asakura Yoh.

If it weren't for his loss in the tournament, I would still be the numb Kyouyama Anna. But our worlds were turned upside down. Now, Yoh is the one who cannot feel anything.

_Only resentment._ No matter how many times those words entered my mind I cannot force myself to get use to it. The name Asakura Yoh will never be connected to the word anger. His carefree and laidback attitude forbid him to do so. But then again, that was what I thought. As I had mentioned, upturned—our lives were.

I beseeched the skies for any help, but there was no response. I guess, I have to work this thing out all alone. On my own.

Because without Yoh,

I'm on my own.

(End of Anna's P.O.V.)

He was disconcerted, but he never admitted it. His pride was so hard to thaw. Yet, on the other hand, he felt he was vindicated, and there was no ounce of flaw in his actions. He hoisted himself to a more comfortable position. Asakura Yoh, no matter how nasty his actions were, leaned himself on the cemented wall and lifted his head on the clouds thinking, but there was this slight somnolent look on his face. He was starting to act grimly, if not, definitely his mind was screwed up.

It was this realization which made all things natural to him appear barbed. But at least, he knew one thing, inwardly, he's also suffering. He raised his left leg and brought it close to his chest, while the other remained stretched on the ground. His left elbow was propped by his left leg and his right hand was resting on top of his forehead.

Despite of perceiving the small figure moving just nearby, Yoh amazingly enjoyed the quietude, that even the beguiling wind slapping haggardly across his features didn't quite understand. Still lost in his thoughts, Oyamada Manta, a friend and classmate of his who is undeniably petite for his seventeen years of living, sauntered near Yoh and started a condemning conversation.

"Yoh, I was about to tell you that I felt-"

"You don't have to, I saw _him_," Yoh enunciated the word him with sheer disgust.

"With _her_," Yoh added, in a low voice only Manta can discern.

"You mean Anna?" the small, blonde figure questioned with an eagerness unusually heard from someone who rather find himself lack of words.

"Yeah, can you keep that subject for a while Manta?" Yoh favored, his voice broken and eyes were pleading. The guise apparent on Yoh's solemn face was enough to keep his best friend's scrutinizing look on a tight rein. "I'm starting to get insane."

"But, ugghh, Yoh, a friendly advice only," Manta insisted. "Isn't it about time for you to find Anna? Well, I'm just seriously worried about her. And you know, she's crying. I thought it was very un-Ann-"

"Let her be," Yoh said, ambivalent. But still, his voice came out firm, so there was no way Manta can ever notice the slight hesitation in his voice.

"Let her do what she wants. She's not my property, she can do anything for all I care. And she's still lucky I gave it to her, freedom," he understatedly continued.

Manta shook his head in disapproval, "But Yoh, by the looks of it, you're in dispute with your heart. I may not sense as much as you and Anna do, but still I'm a human and you're one too. I can perfectly feel what my friends are going through. I may not be a shaman but I'm a perceptive person at heart."

"Don't tell me the things I have to feel and what I do not have to feel!" he barked. "I'm tired of this, I'm leaving."

Manta shuddered and was taken aback by what his best friend had just said. Tired? What's there to be tired off? Anna Kyouyama may be daunting in all ways but she has an acceptable reason in doing that so. Manta knew for sure that if it weren't for Anna, Yoh must've been torn from limb to limb in every shaman fight he encountered. And the midget really has this strange feeling that the itako has certain feelings for the shaman. But as always, Manta's regards were put back into his toes when he remembered that the Anna Kyouyama is wholly numb.

Thinking of a way to resolve his friend's lack of intimacy towards the seventeen year old itako, Manta brought up a statement that he knew for sure might anger Yoh.

"Leaving again? Is that what you always have to do? You can't evade your problems just because you can't find any solution!"

"As long as I can runaway, I'm satisfied living a life full of misery." Yoh opposed.

"You can, but _she can't_," Manta was starting to get serious. His mind is wiser beyond his years.

"I thought you know how insensitive Anna is? How untouchable? Indifferent? Unfeeling?" queried Yoh. "Do you think she will care? No."

"When I lost the battle did she even care. No. Instead, she started to be a big burden on my back. She compelled me to a task I cannot complete. If ever I came from my fiancé searching unsuccessful and she'll kill me, I'll let her do that. Besides, she had killed me before. She'll just kill me all over again, nothing much actually, because in all angles, I'm dead."

Manta managed to let out a hollow laugh. _'Very unusual,' _Yoh thought.

"Yoh, before complaining and acceding her wish, did you ever give yourself time to think why Anna wished for such? I mean, there are so many things she wants, like having an onsen and, ugghhh, blah, blah, blah."

"There's nothing to think about," Yoh abruptly snapped.

"There is," said Manta. He was becoming suddenly at ease. Manta was able to find a way to overturn their conversation. From a cold one, it turned into a more serious one. Decided, Manta added, "If you are dead Yoh, you will not be able to feel anything. You won't even bother to be confused and doubting yourself whether what you did was right or wrong. Not to mention the slight hesitation I heard when you told me that I should let Anna as she is."

"And what are you trying to imply?"

"Simple. You care for her, more than any of our friends do," Manta nodded. "And you're not dead, remember that."

"I'm going," Yoh said, standing up. He put his hands on his pockets and started to leave with Manta following closely behind.

"Going? I thought I made everything clear to you?" asked the blonde.

"There is nothing clear. All messed up. Even my brain, screwed up," Yoh answered flatly.

"But Yoh-"

"I had enough Manta." And that was all Yoh said. He left without any second thoughts, without looking back at his traumatized friend. It was true, he really had enough.

(Yoh)

Do I really have to swallow my pride and apologize to her? But I did nothing wrong, right? Right. But somehow, these words were silently piercing my flesh to death. _To death._Hey, I thought I was already dead? Right. Just a little further Yoh and then you're heading straight to the mental asylum.

You're making things crazier than they were before. Have you gone mad? You aren't the one who should swallow your pride and apologize to her.

_She killed you._ my alter ego reminded me.

Anna. There were so many things I like about her. Her attitude, her glares. But why is it that they are all erased from my memory?

Because of my pride? But before, it was the very thing I wasn't afraid of losing. Well, I guess time really changes people.

I walked down the streets, glancing left and right. There were so many people smiling despite of the fact that the world has a destroyer as the Shaman King.

Hao Asakura. My brother, my twin brother. And it really hurts to know that my brother, of all people, a mass destroyer, was the one chosen by the Great Spirits to be the Shaman King. Why can't it be me? I'm a good shaman at heart right?

But I guess those were the qualities that brought me down from the Shaman King throne. Because of being so overprotective, I lost.

Hao. He has nothing to protect, he has nothing to worry about. While this stupid heart of mine, cares for so many people that I, myself cannot understand why. A part of me keeps on insisting that what I did was right, that saving Anna was _very_ right. And a part of me keeps on pushing myself to kill the girl who made me grieve.

But which one to follow?

My mind or _my heart_?

I quickened my pace and reached the door of our house in no less than five minutes. There's only one way to find out. From Anna, I will get the answer.

(Anna)

I just came from the living room to treat my wounds. Yoh wasn't there yet. Maybe he was difficultly mulling his thoughts into his vapid brain. Ohh, I just remembered, how can a dead person think all over again? I erased the thoughts from my head and walked on the second floor's hallway.

I stepped inside my room and closed the shoji behind me. My feet had come to a halt when I saw the moon's hazy figure towering above this nearly dilapidated onsen. I smiled. There were times when I wished I could sit here for the whole night with an empty and relaxed mind. But that wish was long gone ever since Yoh was defeated in the Shaman King Tournament.

Both of us were so alert of Hao's remote yet near distance. We sometimes almost forgot about our dinner due to the fact that he might attack us in no time. But that made me think too, Hao was the Shaman King, he cannot ask for more so to think that he will attack us with all our guards down would be quite shameful.

I stopped.

Shaman King, Asakura Hao. I remembered him saying about it. He will give the title back to Yoh in exchange of me. Does that mean I have to go with him? God, in all regards, I will never surrender myself to him.

_Surrender. _

I stopped. Again, I did stop these train of silly thoughts.

'_Focus on the word surrender Anna, not on anything else.' _I said inwardly.

_Surrender. _

I hang my mouth in doubt. Why haven't I seen it before? Yoh Asakura also surrendered something right? Something more important than his life, because of one reason that I promised I will keep on remembering.

_Me. My life. My soul. _

Selfish. Selfish. I have always been and all in all I finally came to the conclusion that Yoh was right, I killed him. I killed him worse than Hao did. I was suddenly drawn to his words.

"_Seeing him holding you makes my heart wrench! Remember why I got defeated! Remember it! Remember it! Just seeing you talk to him helps my haunting defeat retaliate my senses! The hatred! The suffering I would have to undergo till my life is over!!" _

I almost—no, totally forgot about it. For only a few hours, I have forgotten the thing that I am supposed to be aware of. I wasn't able to comprehend what he said after that, all I knew was Yoh was livid. I even told myself that maybe he's just jealous, but now it made sense.

He had given up the Shaman King title just to save me. He offered his life to Hao just to protect someone who is incapable of showing and feeling any emotions. A detached itako. And what I had given him in return was a burden to his back. Stupid. I really am. _To find me a fiancé so I can finally avoid him in the near future. _A strand of my caprices.

I have no idea why he agreed, why he's consenting my wishes despite of giving up his only dream. So he can make me happy? So he can make me feel contented? I doubt it, he told me not a single reason. And the aftermath? Here I am whining over and over again, trying to find some decent, acceptable and valid reason why Yoh agreed.

I was actually surprised when he said yes. But he asked a favor too. He wanted me to train him so I did, more than enough, as I watched him biting of more than he can chew for four comprehensive years of hell training.

Yet we were unfruitful. He was right.

"_I'm tired Kyouyama. All in vain everything." _

Vain. Everything. So that's why he had also given up in finding me a fiancé, but that should never be the situation. Because if I keep on living under this roof, with him at that, the only thing I can get will be rejection, hatred, nothing more. Before, he always made me welcome and important, but in every statement there is this contradiction.

_Before. _It was before. Not now, and not ever.

I heard the door suddenly cracked open. A boy with dark hair entered with an outright expression of usual tiredness and of course, _resentment. _I turned around and noticed him there. Slightly hesitant, but he did enter.

I stood frozen on my place, but I mused on such amusing thoughts.

_Deeper and little by little, _I stringed the words forming in my mind together.

Yoh Asakura, youngest son of Mikihisa and Keiko Asakura, grandson of Yohmei and Kino Asakura, brother of the Shaman King Hao Asakura existed. And on his seventeenth year of tracking this game, he existed still, but he never lived.

_The lazy bummer of the Asakura's, Yoh Asakura, was already dead._

And I, Kyouyama Annakilled him.

In the past, both of us were failures of this game called life. We lost and then we never rose from our graves. If Yoh had already given up, I, Kyouyama Anna, will never do the same thing. I will stand up to proclaim to the whole word that I'm still someone who cannot be defied by anyone else.

I took a step forward near Yoh, until I was only a meter away from him. He tensed a bit. But his uneasiness wasn't enough to cover his hatred towards me.

'_Yoh you killed me too.' _The last straw. My heart was burned into ashes again. I just hope he'll be able to heal these wounds. '_When you changed, I had this change too. The numb Anna Kyouyama didn't exist since then. She was replaced by someone who can feel, who can give sympathy. By someone whom you can easily hurt._

But I shouldn't give up right now. I couldn't. And for that, I only have one solution. I'll have to slay someone again.

'_The new Anna Kyouyama. So in the process, the indifferent Anna Kyouyama can be born. Again.'_

'_I hate to do this, but I have to. In order to give you what you want Yoh. You'll defeat Hao, I will do anything in my power just to make sure you'll be able to beat him. Wait for that day Yoh, and I'll wait for the old Yoh to come back too.'_

'_But when the old Yoh Asakura comes home, I'm gone. For I'm very sure that by that time, you've already completed your obligation.'_

'_To me. A fiancé and then, I'm off. Contended as I can be lastly seeing you with those easy smiles.'_

'_There are times when I'm asking myself why am I controlling my temper on you. When before, a single disobeying movement can make you taste my fist's wrath. You have complete control on me. Even my heart. You can break it if you want. But I have this feeling of content whenever you do that. I don't know why, but I just do. And I came to think of a question and hopefully the answer will be a valid one.'_

'_Why can you do anything to me? To my heart? And that made me think again. So many why's but I never asked myself why too. Why am I letting you?'_

"I have something to tell you," I said. I tumbled with my words, it's hard to say it, but I have to. "The contract."

"Again." It was a statement, not a question. Yoh shrugged, then smirked. "You're a fool."

"I'm not fooling Asakura Yoh." Cold. My voice was, indifferent. It's coming back. Yoh widened his eyes, slightly bewildered. An expression I had longed to see for so many years.

'_The resurrection of the insensitive Kyouyama Anna. Welcome her Yoh.'_

"What do you want," He bellowed.

"Let's make it legal," I stated and his face was once again flabbergasted.

"For what reason?" he asked.

"Don't ask for reasons when you know the answer," I retorted. Little by little, the old Anna Kyouyama is returning. "A fiancé."

A laugh. Yoh laughed. "A fiancé? BAH! I thought we had made this one clear? That I had enough of your wishes when you cannot give mine!"

"Shut up." I warned.

"What did you say?" he said darkly. Yoh emitted an aura. It was cold, very cold.

I glared at him, forgetting that his furyoku was rising, tempting. "I told you to shut up. Since when did you learn to interrupt me?!"

Another laugh. We were getting to nowhere. But at least, this one was sort of a decent conversation.

"Tomorrow, you'll come with me to main house of the Asakura, and there, we'll make it legal."

"Who died and gave you the permission to go in there?!" He clenched his fists and did not let go of them though it was getting solid white.

"Me." I snapped. "I don't care if you're an Asakura or what. But remember, they hate you."

I continued, despite of his protests. "You're not an Asakura anymore. Only by name, you are."

'_You took a step forward to me. To a dark and deeper hole. Don't come any closer Yoh for you'll break even more. I heard your complaints—terrible complaints. Sorry, I didn't intend to close my ears on you. I just have to, for your sake and mine's.' _

"Are you not contented?!" I cannot feel anymore.

'_You can tell me all that you want Yoh. My barrier has been created again. And I will not break again, in front of you, I will not. I will never be afraid.'_

"KYOUYAMA!" Nothing. There was nothing evident in my eyes.

'_And then, you caught me off guard again Yoh. You stepped forward. You surpassed my barrier again. There's a little waver in my knees. Control, that's what you have over me and my heart.'_

"It's hurting me also, but these wounds will never heal again."

'_I heard you mutter.'_

'_Your voice wasn't that clear, but I had heard it so far. So clear yet so vague. My heart is telling me that was what you actually said. Another step and then you did it.'_

'_You slapped me.'_

Tears were forming on my eyelids but I held them back. Afraid that you might take advantage of my weakness again, I held them back. You were panting terribly, shaking.

'_And now, I finally understand why I keep on accepting your faults and flaws. Or why I keep on letting you hurt me. There was only a simple answer to this. A thing I thought I have always been numb about.'_

You hugged me and gently massaged my back. You buried your face on my shoulders and breathed there, hoping for acceptance.

'_But you never have to hope for acceptance from mine. I believe you have complete control over my heart. You can force it to accept you. No, not by force. Willingly, my heart will follow all of your orders.'_

'_But you cannot see it Yoh. All along, you don't know that you have something I cannot give to others but you. Much more than trust.'_

'_You have it Yoh. You even broke it, but still it's yours. You gave it back to me, but it's your property now, not mine's.'_

'_It belongs to you.'_

'_My heart.'_

I snaked my arms around you and held you close as tight as you did.

'_Love, I had felt it, with you, I honestly had. But you cannot return it back. But still, remember you have my heart.'_

A little sniff, then I cried. I just realized something as your grip around me got tighter. I don't know why you're doing this to me. Right now, I'm feeling that you're the old Asakura Yoh I had learned to love.

And the reason why I consider myself as the foulest of all fools.

I am a fool, to have fallen in love with you.

I murmured it on your shirt, silently, for fear that you might hear it.

"_How can you love someone who doesn't want to be loved at all?"_

**Author's Notes: **Yeah! I finally made Anna fall in love with Yoh. I think this chapter was quite crappy, but still review! Oh, I'm working on the prelude to this fic. I can see that some are rather confused about the story. Comments? Suggestions? Do tell me in your reviews! I won't update unless I get reviews!

I promise that the fourth chapter will be clearly narrated than this one. I think I'm not going to use the first person point of view in the next chapter, it's driving me insane. Besides, I can't narrate the whole fanfic well, if I'm going to use it over and over again. Well just tell me what you think!

Review! And a very big thank you to all!

Answers to my reviewers:

**Vash**- yep, you're right, it's very sad. But I really love sappy fics! . Thanks for reviewing!

**Tippy-chan **– About your review, yep, I agree with you, all you said about the plot of this ff is true. Thank you!

**cherri-chan – **Woah! You gave me two reviews! You made me sooo happy. I like your fic Everything to Me. Anywayz, and yeah, Anna is dumb in the past 2 chappies. She never realized it until this chap. And nope, as you can see, Yoh is not yelling at Anna because he's jealous, period. Hate to reveal what I have in mind. Teehe! Thank you!

**Raven Kitten **– Oohh, thank you! I know it's very sad, but expect in the fourth chap, there'll be no more tears or whatsoever. But I think, there'd me more romance???

**Kawaii Koneko92** – Very sad, very sad. Hehehehe. I was crying when I made the first and second chaps. I mean literally crying! So that was why I thought of such plot and started it immediately. Thank you!

**YamiandAnzu4ever – **Oki doki. Your wish is my command, but the romance between this couple may not be shown until I throw Yoh's stubbornness out of the fic. Thank you!

**Lady Shelina Raven** – impressive? Really? Hehehehe. Thanks!

**asn water** – nope, Anna didn't go with Hao in this chap ne? Maybe for the chappies to come! Thank you!

**X37** – You blew me out of my shoes when I read your review! . I was inspired! Hehe, it's nice to hear that my work is considered great! Thank you!

**HoshiGumi** – Don't worry, the prologue to this fic will be hopefully posted before the year ends. I'm working on it! Thank you!

**Sugar-ayume** – Don't worry, I'm not going to stop writing it. With reviewers like you, I won't be out of ideas!

**Amber** – Like it? Hehehe. Thanks for reviewing!

shivering in the cold night,  
_chibi-asakura_


	4. The Heaven Cried

**Author's Notes: **Sorry again for the delay! Thank you for all those wonderful and heart-warming reviews! I will tell you no more, here's NA's chapter four entitled: **The Heaven Cried. **The last part of the chap might be sappy, wrote it while listening to Anna ni Issho Datta No Ni Athrun Zala Feeling. Gosh, I would spend my life listening to that and TM Revolution's Ignited. Oh and yes, I'm a Gundam Seed and GS Destiny Fanatic.

Confusions arise dramatically in this chapter, but all will be cleared on the fifth. If you don't like to be puzzled with my story you are free to press the back button. I'm sorry guys, I can't accept flames yet, still need to develop this motivation you have given me through your moral support.

**Disclaimer: **Shaman King belongs to Hiroyuki Takei and to him only, not mine.

**Nostalgic Affection  
**-shackled wisteria-  
**_The Heaven Cried_  
**_Chapter Four_

(Anna)

I am a fool, to have fallen in love with you.

I murmured it on your shirt, silently, for fear that you might hear it.

"_How can you love someone who doesn't want to be loved at all?"_

You stiffened and your arms around mine loosened. Did I do something that make you want to turn away from me now? But something hit me hard, I forgot how I have always been a burden for you from the very beginning when I entered your life.

I cried still and without second thoughts, I mumbled again, "How can you love someone who doesn't want to be loved at all?"

With that, your hands dropped and were put on top of mine. Gently, painstakingly, you removed my arms that were encircled on your waist, saying, "It's late, go to sleep."

Slowly I nodded, "So should you."

"Oyasumi nasai," you gestured your chin towards the door, indicating that you're about to leave. And as I thought, you grabbed the latch of the shoji and it was closed by a click.

I dropped on my knees, contemplating on my thoughts. The fleeting memory I had shared with you this night will forever be here in my heart. Yoh, I never knew your feelings. You're hard to understand, very hard to understand that living with you is indeed a hard thing to do. And now I'm asking myself, what made me stay here with you?

Oh yes…

_Because I love you_. But it doesn't mean that if I love you, you love me too. In fact, I believe you don't have to love me, with you giving me those cold glares, with your unnerving attention it's more than enough.

Startled, I turned my head towards the door, seeing you there, standing, calm yet something tells me I should not reply to whatever you will say.

"Considering that you are still my grandmother's favorite student and you've lived with the Asakura's for quite a long time, be happy that I'm still paying respect on you."

Then he added, without meaning to do it so though, "Anna. And I agree, the contract will be official, tomorrow, in front of my grandparents. I do not know how special that is to you, but if you are really that aggressive in finding yourself a fiancée, then be it."

"Tomorrow then," I agreed.

As you turn around for the second time to head to your room which is diagonally positioned from mine, I sighed. I thought you were mad again.

_Aggressive_. Yes, insistent on finding myself a fiancée to get away from the hell you and this house have become. In addition, I do know, that for one reason, staying with you here only increases your disdain towards people and things you encounter in our daily lives.

Yoh Asakura, you don't have to tell it to me over and over again, that I am the reason of your defeat and why you've become a jerk.

I love you that moving heaven and hell will not be impossible if you want me to do it so. Same applies to our situation with Hao. How wrong were you when you thought I will never show a strand of my hair to him? He's your brother after all, he has power, and his bargain with me is not yet through since I never did agree with his hidden agenda. But with you being like this, I think it would be better to sacrifice a little.

_A little._

_And that knowledge is enough to keep my life going._

6:35 in the morning.

Asakura Yoh rolled over to the right side of his futon, hitting his alarm clock in the process. Rays of sunlight crept through the shoji doors, making him crumple his head even more. Yoh insipidly groaned at the sun's persistence to pry his eyes open. He shut his eyelids so tight that lines were formed across his forehead. It was not the perfect time to get up.

He burrowed himself deeper under the bed sheets and shaped his body into a ball. Though he still seemed to be asleep, his mind wasn't, more specifically his heart. He stayed awake for one whole night, trying to recover the shock he had received from his _old _friend.

_How can you love someone who doesn't want to be loved at all?_

Yoh's eyes shot widely opened as he tried to recall last night's event. He was sure he heard it right, that was the exact statement Anna murmured into his shirt. At first it was something he thought was incoherent, but when she repeated it, it became clearer to him. And yes, it was stupid of him, he never understood what Anna said so then, he kept quiet and did not ask for further questions.

Morning lightened his room, revealing how messy Yoh is when it turns to his personal belongings. His wooden drawers stuck out from one to another, and his headphones rested near the trash can. He got up and stayed in a calm, sitting position. He made sure that he left Anna in her room in the right time and had done nothing more to inflict damage on her emotions.

'_She's still lucky that you didn't slash her throat, big time.' _His mind reasoned out as a matter-of-factly.

"Shut up," said Yoh to the pestering voice inside his head.

Today was the day Yoh believed he had anticipated to come. Today, together with Anna, he will see his family again, for the first time in four years. He remembered clearly what his father had said after Hao defeated him.

"_Since you weren't able to defeat Hao, you will no longer be considered an Asakura, by name perhaps, but by our hearts, I'm sorry Yoh, forgive us. This one might be fated to happen. You're not my son anymore." _

The wound was still there and thinking how his world crumbled before him that moment just evoked more pain.

Tuesday. How we wished Manta will come over that morning to inform their adviser that he and Anna will not be attending classes that day. Getting up, he went inside the bathroom to have a shower before having himself a breakfast.

Leaning herself against the wall, Anna attempted to close her eyes for a minute, but as soon as she's halfway finished, her ebony eyes would flutter, causing her to stay awake whole night. Deterring an itako is probably the hardest thing a human can do, but in her case, being daunted falls under the "ex category" as in "past category". Ever since she weakened her state of defense with her rigid wall and aloof demeanor, the fear built inside her for years that she has been running, hiding was finally exposed despite of her endeavor to put things back the way they used to be.

She was an itako, someone who calls on spirits, and was taught never to show emotions and be nothing but an empty soul. But she isn't one now, never will she be one detached itako again, for she can already feel. It took her more than ten years to build a façade prepared for any impairment, a wall made for resistance. Yet, it took _him_ only a day to break it since he forced his way in her wall, shattered it, burned it. And without her barrier, _the_ Anna Kyouyama will be nothing but a runt.

Sure, she made it clear to herself that she will pick the remnants of the insensitive Anna Kyouyama little by little. And she even promised herself to go on until she succeeded so that in the end none of her pleas will be unattended. But it will take her another ten years to build a steelier one, and another ten years to forget the person who broke it.

_Yoh Asakura_.

Gathering herself from the floor, Anna made her way in front of the mirror. Scrutinizing her whole being dressed in her usual black dress (she wasn't able to change her dress), she noticed that her eyes weren't those usual half-shut and boring eyes. Instead, they were sullen, and an emotion of angst lingers terribly in each and every glitter of the light. Her body proportion did not change that much though, she's still skinny for her age, yet her curves were developed from the time being. Her golden locks grew past her shoulders for the past years. Feeling quite contented with what she has become, Anna exited her room, trying to stir the numb young woman that she was.

With her small hands still placed on top of the shoji's lever, Anna was startled to see Yoh up so early at exactly five minutes before seven in the morning with a towel draped on his brunette hair.

Anna smiled inside. _'This is something new, something extraordinary.'_

Yoh, too, bore a shocked expression on his face, "I was surprised to see you here, I thought you were downstairs already."

"Same goes with you," she countered, immediately, decisively. Then she continued, "I'll be going to the bathroom then, see you downstairs."

Yoh nodded as his gaze trailed off to where Anna was heading to. He sighed.

"It felt so good to see her not spurning my head out," he murmured.

'_And it felt so good to see you too not kicking her out of the house.' _A voice inside his head pestered, making him grunt a little.

"Shut up. I'm not that stupid to do that."

"Who are you talking to?" Anna asked startling Yoh too much that she made him jump a meter away.

Yoh felt his heart gave a leap when he heard Anna's berating voice came into picture. He stammered, "Well—uhh—no one in particular. I'm just practicing on how to deal with the use of telepathy."

Anna rolled her eyes. "What the?"

"Anyway Anna, I thought you're going to the bathroom?"

"Yes, indeed I am. I just forget to bring my towel." With that, Anna entered her room then sprinted towards the washroom.

Yoh felt his inside churned with something he wasn't able to comprehend. He grumbled all the way downstairs still complaining how his stomach just flipped for no apparent reason.

"You must've been really hungry Yoh," he said quietly to himself while massaging his stomach. Yoh frowned, it was the first time in seventeen years that he felt his insides tumble as if a rolling ball has made its way down to his intestines, rolling. In addition, he wasn't able to determine the meaning it was trying to imply especially when he felt so light and contented the moment he felt the flip-flop.

"That's strange, I'm sure I never felt this before," he scratched his head as his right hand traveled in the fridge's contents.

"No rice, no instant noodles, no food to cook, no egg to fry," said Yoh, with pure sarcasm evident in his voice. "What kind of house is this!"

He sighed, slapping his face. "Maybe I should stop over to any grocery store in Izumo."

DING DONG!

Yoh stuck his head out of the refrigerator when the doorbell rang. He shoved his hands inside his pockets then walked to the front door.

'_Must be Manta.' _He thought.

As soon as he opened his door, an ever glowing Manta greeted him with that usual grinning face. "Ohayou Yoh!"

Yoh waved at him, "Hi there, come in."

—**in the kitchen—**

"So you and Anna are not going to attend classes today huh?" Manta asked, chewing the loaf of bread Yoh had offered him.

"Yeah," said Yoh, like Manta, he was munching on his bread too. "Which reminds me, can you tell our prof about it?"

"Sure," Manta assented. His short arms reach for butter on the table. "Where is Anna by the way?"

"Upstairs," answered Yoh.

"Still upstairs?"

"Yes." Yoh managed to rise his brow to his friend. "Why?"

"Nothing," Manta shook his head. "Where are you guys off to anyways?"

Yoh smirked a little, finding Manta's curiosity to be a bit amusing. "To where my feet take me—este, to where our feet take us."

Manta, who has grown a fairly amount of seven inches, queried insistently, while the shaman tried to avoid his question. "Where in particular?"

Yoh repeated in an annoyed yet mocking tone. "To nowhere in particular."

"Stop fooling around with that midget," a voice interrupted, "Asakura."

Anna's gaze lingered on Yoh's bewildered one's. Manta, on the other hand stayed back and forcefully zipped his mouth as Anna, the itako seemed to bring an atmosphere of incisive apprehension. There she was, leaning on the wall, with arms crossed in front of her, dressed in a white blouse and red skirt covered with a yellow coat and her golden locks tied into a ponytail with some strands falling on her face.

Her voice was penetrating when she demanded for an answer. "What are you doing in here, early this morning, humpy-dumpy?"

Manta froze. Anna demanded for answer. Yoh understatedly countered. "Silly, do you still need to find out why Manta arrives here every morning?"

Anna grunted, shrugged her shoulders, hesitantly she answered a simple no.

Nothing was said after that. Yoh grinning. Manta laughing. Anna, well typical Anna, grumbling.

"See you tomorrow then Yoh!" Manta waved energetically, then he turned around and started to walk oppositely from the two teens.

"So where are we going now?" Yoh stretched his arms high above his head then crossed it behind.

"To the train station," Anna said, as she began walking ahead of the shaman, her shoes thudding on the ground. She frowned. Yoh was not being the devil who screams and bawls at every thing he sees. Instead, he was cheerful, the bummer he usually was, the lazy happy-go-lucky who does not care even if the world crumbles right before his eyes.

She grimaced deeper when she heard him whistling all the way while walking behind her. He was getting on her nerves! How dare he! One minute, he's scowling at her to die then another minute, he turns so happy that he acts as if nothing has happened last night.

She stopped so he stopped too. Both of them quietly stood in the empty street as the wind hushed tenderly, making it hard for Anna to start a conversation.

_Cold_.

She was trying and trying to be one. She pretended to be numb, but every time she tried she would feel helpless and with no avail she would turn back to that Anna Kyouyama who can give sympathy. Then the matters got worse when she admitted to herself that she loves the shaman who broke her heart not just once, not twice but loads of time.

She clenched her fists yet she didn't stop though she surely felt that her blood paused from circulating. She was annoyed. Anna was aggravated by how her old friend can easily forget what he did and what he always does. Screaming at her, blaming her. And the cycle goes on and on until she finally accepted the truth that she's the reason of the death of the real Yoh Asakura.

She opened her mouth to speak, she formed the words yet no sound came out. Next attempt, she was able to produce the exact words she wanted to say.

"If you are tired, then let me tell this to you Yoh, I'm tired too."

He was angry, she assumed. But she was unsure.

Yoh walked up to Anna, though preoccupied with his own thoughts, he heard it clearly. _'Anna is tired too?' _

He touched her shoulders but she shrugged it off.

Anna dropped her head then trembled. Closing her eyes she let the pain pierce her being once again. "Don't pretend that everything is ok when you know it's not!"

"I'm not pretending," Yoh answered flatly. "Maybe you are…" His voice trailed off.

Anna, still shaking tremendously, managed to snap back. "You said you are not pretending! And I am the one who is! Let's just be true to ourselves and admit that both of us are!"

Yoh clenched his fists. Never did he expect something like this to happen. He stepped backwards to make the distance between them increase to a meter. Anna's back still facing him.

"I don't know what you are saying. If I admit that I am really pretending like what you told me, nothing will change right?" he inquired, slowly, warily.

Without warning, Anna was surprised to see droplets of water falling from her eyes and into the ground. _Tears. _She was being weak again, the wall built around her was slowly fading. Her knees started to waver but she didn't mind. What's wrong in showing her weakness to Yoh, when he was the first one to see it and break through the façade she has been wearing for so long?

Once again, she demanded for answers. She was eager to know what made her so weak in front of him. What made her so helpless in front of him anyways? Was it because she was searching for pity within his boundless stare? Or was it plainly because she loves him and knowing that he does not and will never love her back pain her more than his accusations do?

She thought she prevailed in rebuilding the insensitive Kyouyama Anna but as always Yoh would destroy her barrier and start attacking it with the materials she never needed to build her wall namely: trust, hope and love. Trust because he would sometimes make her feel as if she has nothing to fear. Then after that, he would take it away. Hope, because he believes in her for so many years when no one else does. Then again, he would run, away from her and steal the hope he had build inside her heart. Love, because he made her feel it, yet he did not love her back. And the aftermath? She would cry and cry until she finally realized how those things damaged her being.

"Something will change!" she wailed. "If you just told me earlier that you're tired of having me around for four years after Hao defeated you, then it wouldn't have been this hard for both of us! If you could've told me earlier then no one of us will get hurt!"

"Still," Yoh's face darkened as his fists shook lightly, "nothing will change."

"Stop insisting that nothing will ever change! I'm not an idio-"

"And I'm not one too, Anna. The damage has been made the moment I have been defeated," he said simply yet he angered her more. Finally Anna turned around to meet Yoh's expressionless stare with her livid guise. Tears damped her face and her eyes were a bit swollen. Yoh's heart skip a second upon seeing her cry again.

"But why didn't you tell me! Why didn't you tell me you were hurt after that! I thought it was ok for you since you never complained! You kept quiet! Everyday you would show me those easy smiles, acting as if you are—I mean we are still living a normal life when you know we aren't!"

"But we're still living a normal life Anna, the only difference is my family does not care about me anymore," he muttered through gritted teeth. "Besides I know you'll blame yourself for my defeat."

"But that's what you're doing now!"

"So, I'm right to think that my quietness triggered your conscience to build some extra confidence in me again, ne Anna?" he asked. "I wondered why you asked for a fiancée in our contract though."

"It's none of your business," she retorted.

"It is, because I'm perfectly sure you know why I wanted to be your trainer," Yoh smiled sadly as he directly looked into Anna's eyes.

"Because you want to kill Hao and get the title away from him," she said, shifting his gaze on the opposite direction.

"Right," agreed Yoh. Showing his perfect white teeth, Yoh passed Anna briskly, his strides hard to follow.

Anna gnashed her teeth. Yoh Asakura turned his back on her again and she just couldn't spoil the moment. This was the only moment she can ever speak all her complaints to him.

Pouring all her courage to her mouth for the last time, she shrieked, "STOP!" She started to whimper and shook herself in hopes of releasing the ache residing in her heart. Yoh stopped and was quite surprised with what he heard. Out of the blue, he didn't notice Anna running towards him with a determined look. She launched at him and had him flat on the ground with her on top. She grabbed his shirt and gritted her teeth angrily at him, her glares showed that she was really mad.

"You're crazy Anna," Yoh widened his eyes, bewildered.

"I know that!" she cried. More tears fell from her eyes and each dropped silently on Yoh's face. Vigorously, she seemed to be challenging Yoh to a fight when she started pulling his shirt and almost strangled him. Yoh on the other hand did not fight back, he could only look in awe.

"WHY DON'T YOU TRY TO KILL ME NOW!" Anna began to punch Yoh's chest. Yoh flinched a little but it was not enough to take his life away. "WHY DON'T YOU LASH MY THROAT NOW!"

Anna cried and wailed then stopped yet her crystalline tears did come to a halt. They dropped down continuously as if she hasn't cried in her whole life. And surprisingly, the heaven seemed to get along with her grief, a moment later big droplets of water descended from the skies. The sky darkened, ironic since the weathermen didn't announce on TV that there'll be a rain shower today.

"You wanna know why I wanted a fiancée! You want know! DO YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW!"

"Anna," Yoh began, "stop doing this. We're getting soaked."

Raising her right hand, Anna slapped Yoh on his right cheek. "NO! HELL! You're the one who has to stop and listen to me right now! I've been listening to you for so long and been following your every move that you weren't able to ask me if I'm even OK!" Anna insisted.

"Ann-"

"I WANTED A FIANCEE SO I CAN GET THE HELL OUT OF YOUR LIFE!" she screamed and rendered Yoh speechless. "Is it now clear to you? Am I still selfish? Am I still self-absorbed?"

"I never knew what you wanted but stop being like this!" Yoh demanded and hoisted the two of them to a sitting position but with Anna still clinging on his arms. "If you really want a fiancée then you can have him as long as I found one, I'm not yours, and you're not mine either, so you can have anybody for as long as you like him."

Anna silenced herself and carefully understand what Yoh meant, pieces by pieces. _'He does not love me nor does he care for me.' _She stood up, feeling all the courage she had kept inside her vanished into thin air. Her eyes were as round as saucers as she managed to run away from the shame she has bestowed upon herself. She has been weak in front of him again. The shaman rose from his position too and watched Anna's slow retreating figure.

Both of them were soaked but he didn't mind, Anna didn't worry about it either. But there was something in Yoh Asakura that silenced him all the time.

He smiled a bit, between those tears tempting to fall from his eyes, he managed to raise his lips into a smile.

"I didn't know you actually love me," he whispered, silently yet there was an ounce of happiness in his voice. "I just felt it, but I'm positively sure…Anna."

_Before he never understood, but now he was aware of the fact that Anna loves him but does he love her back? There's only one way to find out, read and review the following chapters to know what is what. As you can clearly see, I can kill Anna if I want right? Only joking… _

**Author's Notes: **There you have it the fourth chapter of Nostalgic Affection written in such a haste that I won't be able to reread it for mistakes! I'm sorry for the crappiness of this chapter and the length which is incredibly short, for me at least. Comments? Suggestions? Please review! I'd really appreciate it if you do! Thank you for supporting this fic!

Gtg now, still have to study my report in Advanced Biology which is monoclonal antibodies or else Mam Panotes will kill me! Waaah…pagod na rin ako Yoh! (I'm tired too Yoh!) hehe…

_With a new pen name,  
_**_shackled wisteria_**


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